We’ve been back from our holiday for over a month but I have a confession for you. There are still a couple of photos that I haven’t posted. That may seem unbelievable after the huge quantity I have put on here but it’s true. And I regret that I haven’t yet posted them since the reason I haven’t is that I was unhappy about my appearance.
I’ve chosen to post them today as Matt and I have been putting together a video of our holiday and so we’ve been going through all of our clips. It’s been difficult to watch some of them as, due to the heat, I wasn’t wearing as much clothing. I wanted to veto so many of the clips. I really did. I’ve never been a fan of my stomach as two operations in my teens left me with scars. Add to that all of the changes pregnancy and childbirth brings and it has left me somewhat lacking in body confidence.
Whilst I was watching them all I could see were the stretch marks, the scars and the belly rolls. Instead of focusing on the love that you can see between Lyra and I, I was thinking about my weight. Instead of enjoying my daughter’s laughter, I was obsessing about how thin my hair looks now. And instead of cherishing a fleeting moment documented with my child, I was mourning the loss of my pre baby boobs.
I forced myself to put those clips in though and, you know what, the craziest thing happened. Once I had resigned myself to including them my mindset started to shift. I started to notice Lyra more in the clips rather than just my own belly. Yes, my body has changed a lot in the past couple of years but so has my life. I don’t want Lyra to look back on her childhood videos and photos and not see me. I’d hate for her to think for one second that I wasn’t right there with her in all of our adventures.
So now that I’ve gone on and on about my body, what better thing to do than share our holiday video? Eek. Now, this is a little scarier, I’ve got to admit. It’s one thing for Lyra to look back on in the future but it’s another thing entirely to open myself up to scrutiny from complete strangers. But this is it. This was our holiday. It was full of love and laughter, family and good times. It was perfect.